My confession for April Fool's Day
A short snippet disaster?
Hello lovely people,
I thought about making this post a note, but I knew it was going to be too chatty. When I think about personal things, I tend to go in circles.
You see, I have a confession. I had plans to post another short snippet yesterday, but first I procrastinated, then Barrow wanted attention, then I found a wonderful writing group, and the list goes on. It is now Wednesday night, and the piece needs more work, so I am not posting it.
This may not be an earth-shattering admission, but it started me thinking about why I am so focused on goal setting, and keeping my days absolutely filled with activities. Then, when I have made too many plans and don’t finish them, I get upset, and feel that I have let myself down.
It’s interesting to me that one of my siblings, is content to sit and crochet while watching TV, and has fully embraced a slower season. Not, that there is anything wrong with her approach to life, or mine either, they are just different.
Today, as Barrow and I were walking, I saw a crow resting on the top of a tree. I know that in many cultures, crows are considered messengers. Could the crow be trying to tell me something?
This started me thinking about why I did not finish the short snippet. I love writing, the time flies by when I am immersed in my fantasies, and I’m at the stage in life where no one interferes with my time.
I wondered if I am still living in the past. A past full of disappointment, bad decisions, not knowing where I fit in, and not knowing where my future would take me. At the time, I did not believe that I could focus on being a writer. Was I still unconsciously sabotaging myself?
After some thought, I realized something. While the future is unknown, we can try to influence the outcome, while living for today. That’s what I have been trying to do for sometime. I work to incorporate things in my life I love, like painting, writing, and hopefully a published novel, while embracing the messy uncertainty of tomorrow.
As for the past, I make a place for people and places in my memories, but they no longer haunt me. I still make stupid decisions and I still think about my failures sometimes. I am human after all. But even when I am doubting myself, I accept me as me. Considering, anxiety controlled my days for many years, this brings me joy.
Maybe, that’s why I like dragons, and fantasy. Dragons, are after all, in European tales, known as the ancient guardians of knowledge. Maybe, the crow’s appearance was trying to tell me that I needed to change my perspective, and give myself a break. Maybe my love of dragons, shows that hidden somewhere deep in my conscience, I have known this all along. While I am committed to my writing journey, one unfinished post, on one day, when I don’t have an absolute deadline, is not an emergency.
So, for those of you who read my posts, I’m sorry. I will post a short snippet tomorrow morning, or maybe tomorrow night, when I have had the chance to enjoy writing it, and I will sleep contentedly knowing that when posted, it will not be rushed, and I will choose when.
Enjoy a beautiful evening
